Journeys With Oz

“We are, finally, all wanderers in search of knowledge. Most of us hold the dream of becoming something better than we are, something larger, richer in someway, more important to the world and ourselves. Too often, the way taken is the wrong way, with too much emphasis on what we want to have, rather than what we wish to become.” Louis L’Amour.

I thought of this quote today when I heard that Andy Rooney was hospitalized at 92 with serious complications after minor surgery. He has been my personal favorite of all the wise people in the world ready to share their knowledge on TV. I sense that most of them have dreams of being famous, larger than life, wealthy and well known. I don’t know if they have taken the wrong way as Mr. L’Amour indicated. It certainly is the more popular way. They peek into people’s lives and interpret their actions and motivations and become famous for it.

Andy Rooney took a different path. He never appeared to be the kind of man who emphasized what he wanted to have. He appeared to be a sage- a humble& humorous sage who noticed and commented on what he saw. Since 1978 he was a regular presence on CBS’ 60 Minutes; “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney” where he looked at the absurdities of life and language. He talked about everything. Current events or what happened in the course of an ordinary day. He won an Emmy Award for an essay about whether there really was a Mrs. Smith behind Mrs. Smith’s pies.

He didn’t pretend to be anything other than what he was. He was cranky at times and let it show. He also was rumored to hate being recognized on the street. So if you saw him in a restaurant, he said as he signed off once, “please: just let me eat my dinner”. He was doing this before the current crop of “in your face” TV personalities. He was unique. He told it like he saw it without apologies.  He was not politically correct. He shared his opinion; his thoughts, his wisdom, his view of the world. He was a refreshing breeze. His last broadcast was the passing of an era. On October 2, 2011 he delivered his 1097^th and final essay and said it was a moment he dreaded; “I wish I could do this forever. I can’t though”, he said.  Me too; for it was the end of an era. With the passing of this icon I wondered who will show us how to poke fun at ourselves. Who will point out what is extraordinary in the ordinary on a weekly basis? Who will take the time to just chat about the idiosyncrasies of life? Or to even notice the little things that make life precious in this harried world we live in?

I would like to salute Andy Rooney with a collection of his famous quotes titled: “What I have learned”:

“That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person”.

“That just one person saying to me, you’ve made my day! makes my day.”

“That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world”.

“That being kind is more important than being right.”

“That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.”

“ That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.”

I wish Mr. Rooney a speedy recovery and may he continue writing and sharing his gift with us for many more years.

Ardis

Everyone is talking about the problems in our country and everyone has an opinion about how to fix it. But while we are discussing it one woman is doing something about it.

Mary Donley is an 83yr old public health nurse serving the Block Island community. She has been their nurse for over 50 yrs. For many of those years she was the only health care provider they had. In an interview she said: “If you go in and listen it does more for people than anything. When there is no doctor they are scared. You don’t want to make the wrong diagnosis. I can’t help but think what if this was my family, what would I do?”

That is a great lesson for all of us in these times. If this was my family what would I do? I would pay attention. I would give assistance. I would care. Have we lost this basic response? Have we become numb to the needs of those around us because there is just too much need??

Watching this CBS news show featuring Mary was inspirational. The camera followed her as she carefully made her way down a dirt path to treat a woman with an ailing foot. In the next scene she slowly walked up a steep hill to visit a stroke victim with diabetes. It was a typical day for 83 yr old Mary, making her rounds.

Her personal story is about getting through and giving back. In her interview she speaks about the past: “If you have 7 kids you do what you have to do and keep going.” Mary found her calling and kept going through lives adversities by helping others.

She takes care of their physical problems but she also helps with their financial ones. The Mary D fund paid out $50,000 last year for electric bills, oil bills, water proofing a basement after Hurricane Irene, college tuition, day care. If someone is in trouble they call Mary. They come to her home to meet with her face to face. She listens and talks about personal responsibility and sticking to a budget. There is no board or bureaucracy; she makes the decisions about who gets what.

Block Island is a small community. If someone is in trouble everyone knows about it. Mary will get a call from the power company telling her that someone’s electricity is about to be cut off or a school will call about over due tuition.  She doesn’t give cash. She finds out what bills are over due and she writes checks to those companies.

Mary estimates that 30% of the islanders have turned to her fund for help. She understands the people in her community. Many of them contribute to the fund. She has been called a bleeding heart and also a steel magnolia. She hates the title of Saint Mary. Mary sees herself as an ordinary person who has been gifted with this. She feels like a kid, running around, doing things and she wants to hang onto it.

I would describe her as an ordinary person who made an extraordinary commitment to take care of her community.

The people of Block Island seem to take care of each other. Mary says “it is better to be here because these people are the ones who will take care of you. What you do for someone is never forgotten”.

Do we have to live on an island to have this philosophy? Can we take care of our own wherever we live? Our own  families, neighbors, friends? We don’t have to fix the problems of the whole world. We can focus on our own little corner. It seems to work for Mary Donley. She has more life force than people half her age and a beautiful attitude: “It’s life. I love life and I’m sticking with it. I will go with my heels dragging”. That’s the spirit! Ardis

CHOICES

Many of us are writing about Steve Jobs & still reeling from the shock of his death. He was such a huge part of our lives yet I hardly knew anything about him. I was directed to his Stanford University commencement address delivered on June 12, 2005. He talked about three stories from his own life. I was moved by his choices.

CHOOSING HOW I SEE MYSELF

He was born to an unwed mother. He was put up for adoption and rejected by the first family chosen for him. They wanted a girl. His biological mom wanted her son raised by educated people. The Jobs were not college educated. They really wanted this baby and eventually bio-mom relented when they promised her baby would attend college. So he began his journey in a lower middle class family.

I believe that babies are conscious and understand what is happening in their environment. I believe they absorb and store all the words, feelings and reactions of those around them. This affects how they see themselves and their world. If my premise is correct, then he could have chosen to see himself as a throw away, unacceptable, the wrong gender, not worthy. He could have acted out, alienated others, or even chosen a life of crime. Many children see themselves this way especially if they were born to single moms and often live in a pity potty of resentment and pain. Most children who begin life this way don’t grow up to be Steve Jobs. What made him the exception? How did he become this APPLE man who chose to believe in himself, to dream big, trust his instincts, think outside the box and go boldly where no-one else had gone? What did he receive in his childhood that supported these choices?

I believe in was LOVE and CONSISTENCY. His parents didn’t need to be educated to give him this. Just kind and patient and loving and conscious of the example they were setting for their brilliant son.  A child learns by watching what their parents do. A child doesn’t turn out to be this extraordinary unless he is loved and valued.  I don’t believe in accidents. I think he ended up with the right family and circumstances to thrive. He resonated with being loved and cherished. He didn’t resonate with being a disappointment, failure or reject.

Steve said in his address:” all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting”…”

In his first 20 yrs we see a pattern that reflects what he resonated with: I TRUST MYSELF, I HAVE THE COURAGE TO GROW, I AM CREATIVE, I APPRECIATE MYSELF AND OTHERS, I LOVE AND AM LOVED, I AM CONFIDENT.

CHOOSING TO REBOUND FROM TRAUMA

His address continues with the next story: “And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? … So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating…I really didn’t know what to do for a few months… I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down…but something slowly began to dawn on me-I still loved what I did…I had been rejected but I was still in love and so I decided to start over”.

CHOOSING MY SILVER LINING

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life… and I fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple.”

CHOOSING TO DO WHAT I LOVE

“It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

Some new resonance: MY CHALLENGES ARE A GIFT , I CAN REINVENT MYSELF,  I HAVE FAITH& PURPOSE, I AM OPTIMISTIC, I AM FREE TO BE EXCELLENT, I KEEP TRYING.

CHOOSING TO BE MY UNIQUE SELF

We all know about Steve’s battle with cancer that eventually took his life. In the final story of his commencement address he speaks about his mortality:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important:.. Death is life’s change agent, your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. In his final story his resonance grew to include: I FOLLOW MY HEART AND INTUITION, I  LISTEN TO MY VOICE, LIFE IS CHANGE& I CHOOSE TO BE FULLY ALIVE.

Many things will be written about Steve Jobs’ technological brilliance. I am most impressed with the choices he made throughout his life. His life could have turned out very differently. At every crossroad he made a choice. His choices defined who he became just as it does for all of us.  A talk show host is famous for asking each guest the following question: When you arrive in heaven what would you like God to say to you? I think Steve Jobs would like to hear: WELL DONE STEVE, you made excellent choices!

With all the dire news these days it was wonderful hearing about the “heroes of Salt Lake City”. A young man on a motorcycle collided with a car and was pinned beneath the flaming twisted wreckage. Disregarding their safety, a group of strangers came together and lifted a 4000 lb car high enough for one rescuer to pull him to safety. He has some broken bones but he is going to live. Amazing.

Who were these heroes? A couple of university math students, a couple of construction workers, a couple of women, a Doctoral candidate from Ghana and another from Lebanon, a police officer. Just people. The kind you see everyday just living their lives. Yet in that moment they went into action. Unscripted, facing danger and a huge obstacle, without thought to their own safety. Someone was trapped beneath that car and they decided, in an instant, to lift it up and set him free. When a group of people get on the same page they can create a miracle. I am sure that Brandon Wright will never see people the same way again. Imagine how he feels right now. These strangers stepped up. For him.

So when you are feeling cynical or thinking “what can I do to make anything better” remember the heroes of Salt Lake City. No ONE person could have accomplished this. Just a group of people who don’t consider themselves heroes, just realizing as a member of the human race I am going to help another human who is in trouble. What an inspiration! Ardis